Yael Levy

Yael Levy
Yom Kippur 5765
with grace guidance and love

There are many teachings about the light that begins to shine as we enter into Yom Kippur. Some say it is a light of profound compassion, a light of divine forgiveness. Others teach it is a light that reaches into to our very souls expanding in a thunderous silence and revealing all that has been hidden.

I found one of my favorite teachings about the light of YK a few years ago on a flier announcing high holiday services in a Lubuvitch community–it stated:
“Some times the light’s all shining on me Other times I can barley see Lately it occurs to me what a long strange trip it’s been—”

Yom Kippur light by none other thanthose great mystics Jerry Garcia and the Grateful Dead.

My experience is that Yom Kippur light is so bright, so piercing it illuminates shadows in great detail — shadows rise up in stark relief and I find myself confronting the thoughts, feelings, and experiences that have been most troubling to my heart.

When I began to call forth this Yom Kippur light in my own process of preparation I was amazed and actually quite troubled by what was illuminated.

  • I saw how angry I have become over the course of this past year- how furious how enraged I have been.
  • I saw how much hatred has grown inside my heart as I have witnessed what has been happening in our country.
  • I have been so furious about the continued perpetuation of fear that has been used to justify abhorrent domestic and foreign policies.
  • I have been crazed by the lies and deception, and the constant manipulation of facts that have unbelievably succeeded in twisting and hiding what is actually occuring.
  • I have allowed the political landscape, the arrogance of our leaders to cause such hatred, such anger to grow inside my heart.
  • My first response in realizing this was well of course–how can I not be angry ? — how can I not be absolutely enraged?
  • Look what is happening to my country.

I felt completely justified in my anger and completely justified in continuing to keep fueling and strengthening this anger to make sure I stay awake and motivated to act.

But upon continued reflection I realized that his anger was beginning to consume me.

I was becoming this anger and I was responding to so many experiences in my life with this rage.

Anything could set it off–>

There didn’t seem to be room for any other emotion –any other response to arise.

And not only was the anger was eating me alive –it was flowing forth from me and consuming others.

I knew I had to do something

So I did what any rabbi might do– I looked for books to read about anger.

However being a Reconstrucionist rabbi I started with a Buddhist book and I began read Tich Nhat Hanh’s book appropriately entitled — Anger as I began to read I was immediately swept into the realm of compassion “treat your anger tenderly”, he said “Surround your anger with patience and care” “Don’t fight your anger or try to wrench it from your being–embrace your anger–look into it’s depths–gain insight and transform your anger into compassion. Notice your anger, treat it tenderly but don’t nourish or feed your anger–don’t water those seeds- water the seeds of understanding. Cultivate the seeds of compassion and love.”

As I read I found myself coming up against so much resistance. I didn’t want to let go of my anger –I didn’t want to transform it My rage felt completely justified. My anger felt so righteous and true. And my anger felt powerful –it filled me with passion. I was worried that if I let go of my anger I would become complacent–I would no longer strive for change.

But as I was reading I remembered that Tich Nhat Hahn, the person teaching about transforming anger into compassion was refugee from Viet Nam. I remembered he is a man who saw his country explode into flames. He saw women and children brutally murdered before his eyes. He saw village after village of his homeland destroyed.
This was the person teaching that anger no matter how reasonable and justified a response- should not be cultivated. And Tich Nhat Hahn, far from becoming complacent, has dedicated his life to working for global pace and healing.I continued reading and as I began to search our tradition I found parallel teachings. The rabbis comment that one of the reasons that Moshe was not allowed into the promised land was because of his anger. “Moshe was a very angry man” one midrash states—”look how he lashed out and killed the Egyptian slave master –look at how he struck the rock to bring forth water “. Moshe could not lead the people into the promised land, the midrash teaches, because the people should not be led by those who are filled with anger.

Another Midrash reports that when King David asked God for permission to build the Holy temple God refused. “My sanctuary will not be created by you”, God said, “Because you have blood on your hands—you are a man who has unleashed his anger. Rather, my Holy place will be built by your son Solomon, a man of wisdom and peace.

The Jewish mystics teach we must do everything we can to remove anger from our being –for the light of God, the light of holiness cannot rest on one who is filled with anger, Even if that anger is justified. Even, they say, if the anger is l’shem shamayim for the sake of heaven–the light of God cannot rest there.

I have a college friend with whom I recently reconnected and upon one of our first reunion conversations we discovered that we have diametrically opposed political views. On every issue you could possibly name we disagree and so of course we also disagree about who should be our next president. We made a few attempts to laugh about our differences, then we began sparing as we discussed our varying views. And a few times we thought about our differences from a values perspective – wondering about how our choices and our life experiences might have led us to have such different points of view.

One afternoon the call for a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage entered the conversation. And her remarks, which mirrored the rhetoric of the Bush administration, were so stinging, so filled with ignorance and fear I was stunned into silence.

Afterwards I noticed that my response to the conversation was not anger —my response to the views she expressed was not rage but rather a profound sadness. A protective shield had been pierced and afterwards when I reflected on that conversation and all our previous conversations that raised all the issues that so angered me — I just felt so such profound grief. The anger for a moment had melted away and underneath was such sadness, such pain, and such a deep feeling of love and caring for this country.

Our tradition teaches Allow your anger to be an arrow rather than a shield. Do not let anger grow thickly upon your heart. Instead let it pierce your breast – Let it break open your heart until you cry out in pain, until you feel the depths of suffering and turn towards love.

  • Your compassion will nourish you Tich Nhat Hanh teaches
  • Anger will drain you–and leave you with nothing to give
  • Only compassion will quench the fires of anger
  • Only compassion will bring forth healing and love
  • But how to live this way?
  • How to be engaged in the political process?
  • How to be aware of complex social political and historical realties and remain compassionate?
  • How to be awake to all we wish to change and maintain an open heart?

This summer I had the great blessing to take part in a mindfulness meditation retreat in the wilderness of Alaska. This was a retreat specifically for rabbis and we spent almost two weeks together kayaking and camping on remote islands in the south east Alaska inside passage. I arrived filled with this anger I have been speaking about. I arrived my heart so constricted and narrow.

And over the course of these very long and full days I felt the anger beginning to melt and my heart beginning to open. It is no wonder this happened, I had stepped out into the wild expanse. Every day we would kayak for hours in silence
The swish of the paddles, the cries of the eagles, loons and blue herons the only sounds.

Each day we were accompanied by the various creatures whose homes we were visiting

  • Otters floating on their backs with their babies on their bellies
  • –>
  • –sea lions swimming along side as we paddled.
  • And the whales –their huge deep breaths could be heard all through the night and at dawn we would see them feeding, their flukes gracefully fanning the sky.
    • Rabbi Yael Levy
    • Congregation Mishkan Shalom
    • Yom Kippur 5765 2004
    • “One should not judge things by the span of one’s own life time”, our teacher instructed.
    • “One should not look at the human condition and think it tells the only truth
    • It is all vaster and more mysterious than we will ever know.
    • –it is all more intertwined than we are able to see.” so what do we do?
    • –how do we live—each day of the retreat we asked these same questions
    • Rabbi Yael Levy
    • Congregation Mishkan Shalom
    • Yom Kippur 5765 2004
    • Rabbi Yael Levy
    • Congregation Mishkan Shalom
    • Yom Kippur 5765 2004

    • How could I not open my heart? How could I not experience the expanse? And how could I not remember how small we are – and how mysterious is this place we call home. How many billions of years this earth has existed How each and every day the ground is continuing to grow and shift and bubble and expand beneath our feet.

    The black serrated rocks that were jutting up on the beach in Alaska had originated in Mexico The kelp that washed in with the tide literally grew three feet every single day. The spruce trees in the forest were over 500 years old

    Shema veaafta was the answer we kept coming back to listen, listen to it all the shouts of joy, the cries of suffering , the breathing of the whales , the reverberations of the guns Listen to it all and reach into echad reach to touch the place where it is all connected, where it is all one–and veahafta turn in love

    “Be mindful, they teach, not to turn your anger on those you love–it is easy take out our frustration on those we most care for. And don’t turn your anger towards your holy community they warn, don’t turn the rage you feel towards those with whom you are doing the work.

    Dispel anger from your midst through mindful speech and holy action. Remind each other daily what you are grateful for and what you love. This will show you how to best act for good.

    On my long flight home from Alaska a young man asked to switch seats with me. “I was injured in Iraq, ” he said, “and I can’t stretch out my leg–it still filled with shrapnel.” We changed seats and began to talk I asked him about his time in Iraq. He replied “I was up in the north it wasn’t too bad we had a movie theater and a swimming pool— “Did you ever get to go swimming or watch movie, ” I asked. “Well not really” he said “Every night and almost every day we would be under mortar fire. The Iraqis would fire at us almost all the time, man,” he said, they really didn’t want us there.”

    A moment later he turned to me and said, “You know, as we were being fired upon it made me think that we should be able to go out and burn down a house for each and every time we are attacked. I know this is a horrible way to feel –I know I shouldn’t think this way but I really do–I think for each attack on us we should be able to respond 10 fold–I really think that should happen. He paused for a moment and looked away- “I know I shouldn’t feel this way,” he said again– “but I really do—”
    He sighed to himself and then told me that in a few months he would be rejoining his unit in Iraq. “How did he feel about returning I asked. He looked at me in a way that rendered my question completely irrelevant. Then he kind of smiled and said good night . We both shut off our lights and were enveloped by the darkness of the plane.

    We have so much work to do There is so much change we need to generate It includes but goes way beyond who we elect as president this November. It is about deep foundational change. Change that will rise from who we are, how we will live. and what we choose to create together during our short passage here on earth. Listen well , our tradition implores us, speak lovingly, and don’t use anger as a shield. Reach under the anger and feel the pain. Feel the sadness the grief. Let the experience of suffering encourage compassion And let the compassion show us to act.

    One last image
    There is a story told of a samurai warrior, who considering himself strong and all powerful, was accustomed to immediate and complete obedience. On one of his journeys he came upon a monk and said to him,”Teach me about heaven and hell.”

    The monk looked up at the mighty warrior and replied,

    “I couldn’t teach you about anything. You are filthy and your blade is rusty. You are a disgrace. Get out of my sight.

    At these words the samurai’s face turned red–his body filled with anger and he pulled out his sword to slay the monk.

    The monk looked up at the Samurai and pointing right at him said, “that is hell!”

    The Samurai warrior realizing the monk had been willing to risk his life to teach him the meaning of hell put down his sword, tears fell from his eyes and his body filled with love.The monk pointed at the warrior again and said, that,”That is heaven!”

    May the light of Yom Kippur shine on us with great blessing—May it illuminate the way to compassion and peace. Amen

    Rabbi Yael Levy
    Congregation Mishkan Shalom
    Yom Kippur 5765 2004